So How Did I Get Here?

Weird how life changes within a few weeks.

Gotta tread slowly...

Day Off, Day On

Watched like 6 episodes of Homeland. Got some housework done. Learned more about her.

Good day, I suppose.

Still a bit flustered though, of course.  Oh life, you'll never change

Well That's A Whole New Level

And fast. Woah

What Just Happened?

What the?!

Gonna keep holding my breath though. I should know better

So There Is Others Out There

Hmmmmm

*  *  *

Good times having the friends over. The first party at the house always shows what I'm missing for when it comes to entertaining.  I also gotta finish these renos already

Racing

Ummm...don't I have a race to train for? Whatever happened to that?

I really should focus and stop eating such trash.  Gotta get the head straight

Well That Was...

...interesting. Fun, I guess.  I don't know what is going to happen, but at least I can say I did it?

Maybe back to the drawing board. Too bad that drawing board is so hard to find. Lol

Always Something

Any slight happiness I gain seems to always get tempered.

I'm never going to escape the past. I know logically I can't and I don't even necessarily think I want to.

Just keep moving forward despite whatever setbacks happen.  Can't control what I can't control

Bi-Polar Much?

And now comes some of the happy/giddy feelings. Surely it's fleeting, but I'll take it for now

Uneasy

Gotta find a home I can park my anxiety in. This is getting nuts

*  *  *

Happy Family Day!  Even though my family structure is quite different now and I spend a lot of time worrying if Eamon will be able to cope with the changes (he has so far, I think), I'm lucky to have the life I have. It could always be so much worse.

Aside from my consistent and constant complaining I do on here, I just have to keep looking forward and smile as much as I can :)

That Feeling You Get...

...when you realize you can't go back and not sure where you fit anymore. Hate it but gotta accept it. Supposed to live life with no regrets, but it's me we're talking about here.

But to the future anything can happen I suppose. Just gotta keep living life and creating a new story

Better But Still The Same

Seriously.

But at least there's somewhat of a new distraction.

Okay, here's that constant reminder to myself that I gotta get up and get moving...

Porketta

Met with Lisa today and we ate some deelish fatty porketta.  Dang it was good. 

Would really love it if she would be able to work at Peel. The thought of my mentor working in the same office would be absolutely insane to me if it became reality.

Also insane? What just happened. Really?!? A surprising way to get a genuine smile on my face for the first time in a while. Go figure

Really Reaching Here

Lol.  Amazing what the attention from a stranger does for you, even if only for a few fleeting minutes.

One day perhaps (pathetically hopeful) that it will be longer than just a few moments

Tread Lightly

...

Don't lose sight

*  *  *

Actually got some painting done.  Which should have been done months ago.

Better late than never perhaps

That Was...Fun?

Havent done that in a while.  And worlds colliding nonetheless.

Now then, if only these temporary fixes could replace the permanent anxieties.  If only.

Back to my regularly scheduled worrisomes...sigh

Am I Mature Enough?

Was I ever mature?

I want to cry. I'm a mess. Why is it so difficult for me to understand or accept?

Am I built that way or will I always have this malfunction?

I will be hiding my face under my pillow

Idle Minds...

...make me go crazy.

I have to keep busy.

I have to forget.

Why am I cursed with the memories that keep me awake and make me anxious?

When will I really get over the loss?

When will it make sense?

(All I've been doing lately is complaining on this blog.  But I need an outlet. I'm spiraling. I need to right myself again. Wait, when was I ever righted?)

Wowza

http://thoughtcatalog.com/anonymous/2013/08/to-that-person-i-fell-in-love-with-when-the-timing-was-just-not-right/

100 Happy Days

Just read about a new challenge I can do.  Day one starts today...hope I have it in me to complete 99 more

Patience For Reconciliation

I'll find my own happiness one day.

Cherish the memories, do not wage a war on yourself with sadness or remorse.

Patience.

If anything else for your life...patience

The State

Here I am again.  Impatient.  Forcing and trying to look for the only thing in life that I truly want.

Had it, lost it because it wasn't exactly what I thought it was.

Now I'm left questioning if I ever made any right decisions about it.

I told myself I'd never settle and that I would be patient.  Why can't I change?

Where is my confidence?

When will I realize that life will never go the way you exactly want it?

When will I stop complaining and putting my life at a standstill and just...live happily?

I lost focus. I have to be happy we myself first.  Sigh.

Get up, wake up and shake it up