Haven't You Done Enough To Her?!?

So that was the prevailing thought I had today. 

Seriously now, after all I've put her through (twice), why in the hell would I think she could ever trust me again?

And why exactly do I think I can actually maintain a relationship with...anyone? I'm not exactly the most easiest person to live with.  Not that I want to get back with her. I think. Fuck I don't know anything. 

I recall seeing a meme somewhere on Facebook a few weeks ago stating (paraphrasing here): "If you see a shining woman, stand back and leave her alone and just appreciate her."  Clearly this is what I should most reasonably do.  Gawd why can't I just be reasonable?

I wouldn't ever blame her if she ever decided not to talk to me again. I think I have to keep this in mind EVERY SINGLE MOMENT and just start to get over it and truly let go. 

Blah. 

Again. 

*  *  *

On a more random and amusing note, I had a good convo with my BUFF this morning and for some reason she started talking about psychedelic drug usage and her desire to maybe wanting to try it. It was so random that it makes me appreciate her even more. I hope this has nothing to do with Our place of employment screwing her over yet again (and again and again times 7), but I don't think it does