Maybe I should just return to a fatalistic point of view? Maybe my insecurities are eating me up again. Maybe this is what it feels like when you put your trust into someone and are still unsure why that someone should trust you due to stuff that happened in the past.
There really is never going back (to the way things once were), and I'm mourning that lost still (which I recognize I really need to get over, but it takes a lot of time especially with me).
All there is now is to a different future...which maybe has me freaked out a bit because I can't control it. But isn't that it though? Am I really that much of a control freak that if I can't predict the future with much certainty that I break down?
This is what I mean when I say I have to let go and let things come as they may. Haven't I learned these lessons before in my life? I think yes, but whenever emotions are raw and new and/or renewed...I become like this.
Dammit
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