No one (well, at least me) ever wants to admit that they failed at something, especially if it's a big life event. I'll be moving out officially on Saturday, and of course being who I am, is giving me all sorts of conflicted feelings.
Sad that things failed between us, but optimistic that our friendship will still last.
Worried about the "next step" in life, but also excited.
Just general anxiety.
But before all of this, I have a ton of things left to do.
So Sharon took Eamon to a cottage for a week starting today. Surely going to miss him, but I figure I'll keep myself busy by trying to blast through a bunch of the renos. Have no choice! Hoping I'll be able to move in before the end of the month.
Very thankful and grateful that Sharon and I are able to keep a civil relationship in front of Eamon and that she has let me stay at her place until I was ready to move in. Like Kiri and Kats said yesterday when I met them for lunch, it's quite unusual. I'm just really lucky in a lot of respects, that's for sure
So I was at a ghetto-er food court with Doreen for lunch today that was known for roaches. I saw a pest control operator there after I ordered my bulgogi, and I asked him how the mall was doing in terms of pests. He responded with the title of my post.
Sure enough after a few minutes eating my food, I feel something crawly on my arm. Yup. Roach. Killed it and kind of heebee-geebeed. lol. Ah well, such is life; I'm still going to go there (of course). Good thing I didn't go with other coworkers who would've freaked the eff out (ex. Kats).
Another freaky/eerie thing that happened at work today was driving along Eglinton near Forum Dr. Doreen all of a sudden freaked out and pointed ahead...a tiny boy (looked to be about 3 years old) and an even tinier girl (looked to be about 2 years old) were holding hands and crossing in the middle of the street. Luckily the lights were red and another driver jumped out of his car and frantically rushed the kids to the sidewalk all the while asking where their mommy was (no where to be seen). My theory is that it was daycare kids that escaped.
Whatever the case, I couldn't forget about it because all I thought about was my boy. Sigh...so scary what could have happened. Just thinking about it now makes me a bit sad.
Got home and hugged my boy a little tighter (also went to the splash pad and his cousin's house with him afterwards). What sucks? He looks like he might have the hand, foot and mouth disease that is going around the daycare (there are canker-like things on his tongue). Dang. Dang.
Well, dreaded for me, anyway. And man, I really hope it's just a phase. What am I talking about? The "no Daddy, go away Daddy I want Mommy" phase.
You know the one, where he refuses to say sorry to me when I'm disciplining him and he only wants his mother. Meh, it was bound to happen. Hopefully in a few years he'll come back to me. Or something.
I mean, especially with the changes in his life right now, and with everything happening...sometimes I fear and really hope he doesn't grow up to resent me or anything. It's especially worrisome to me when his mother and I have differing opinions sometimes on parenting/discipline, and when/if we argue in front of him (like today). I guess I really should work on my temper or something, but...yeah.
All I can do is love him to death and hopefully he'll understand and accept the decisions I've made in the past.
*snap out of it*
* * *
Almost there. Just some finishing touches to do for the major things on the upper floor. Of course I have more than a thousand things to do downstairs (oh, and not to mention the closet organizers for the upstairs). I just try not to think about it, or the fact that I haven't been sleeping much. As well, sometimes I work a bit better when I'm mad/upset. I kind of hate that about me
The stupidness you hear from a basketball court when our group asks someone who didn't rent out the gym to leave. (Wasn't directed to me; was directed to the white guy from a black guy. Still felt tense afterwards, of course).
Hope my body doesn't break down completely. I rather enjoy playing basketball again
* * *
Weird how my feelings go. Always have been weird. Just trying to get in tune with it now and trying to control it somewhat. Life changes all the time; why can't I? I don't think it makes me any less of the person I think I am.
I haven't ever forgotten my dreams. It's just not the dreams I expected. I remain optimistic...just hope I don't lose the faith
...being spent indoors finishing up trim and whatnot.
Could be worse. Plus, what exactly would I be doing in this weather right now anyway? I think I need new/more friends who plan things and do stuff outdoors. Sometimes it sucks being the planner/inviter (then again, I'm pretty sure that they are doing things but I just didn't make the shortlist. Wompwomp)
So I worked last night during this big storm/power outage. (Secret? Avoid major streets, take side roads).
I hate people who don't treat stoplights as four way stop signs. I was quite daring just laying out my horn in my small car.
Anywho, I almost got stranded in a flood on Derry Rd. between Torbram and Bramalea. Good thing I was going like 70km/hr cause when I hit that 4" of water on that flooded out bridge, it slowed me down to like 20km/hr. Any slower, I may have not had the traction to keep going and I would've gotten stuck.
With my heart pounding, I called up Peel Police and reported that they should close down the road (don't know if they ever did). All this for effin' mosquitoes...lol.
But otherwise, it was nice working out in the rain with all my rain gear on. I enjoy it, makes me feel like I'm doing a different/important job. Ghey.
Also funny? When I got to Sharon's house, the homes right across the street had power and of course her house didn't. Like, literally 20 ft. away. I was this close to busting out an extension cord. Ha.
When it did go on at midnight, I got up all confused and turned off all the lights and of course Eamon woke up and then of course he was a disaster this morning.
One other thing I forgot to mention but made me feel quite uplifted about meeting this Max guy: the compliment he gave me. He told me that he has met a lot of do-it-yourselfers, but that when he first met me and saw my work he thought I was a professional contractor. He said that the logical way I think when it comes to installation and my attention to detail makes me someone who is better than even some of the contractors he's met that's been working for a long time. He said I should do this work part-time to make some good money.
If only. I did have a big head after that though. Have I actually found a passion? (I'm on and off with that thought)
Pic of 95% completed staircase:
You can say I'm getting excited for this to all be done and to move in