It's Like I Lived A Thousand Deaths Yesterday

Hopefully I'm a bit more stabilized today. 

No more melodrama...I have to keep going forward. 

That was crazy...haven't been like that in a long time. Yikes

Afraid Of What Dream May Come

First time trying to sleep in two days. 

I hope there are dreams

Eased A Bit

I’m still a bit like a zombie though and can’t entirely focus, but there’s nothing like snuggling in bed with my boy that helps

Only Thing I Can Do Is Move Forward

It’s so difficult and I don’t have the energy right this second.

It’s getting better though. Thankfully

Getting There

Just trying to believe in myself again

Lifting Ever So Slowly

I hate this

What Exactly Do You Have To Offer Her Again?

Why do you think she would be happy with you?

I hate my insecurities

It’s Not Supposed To Be This Difficult, Right?

So then why is? Why do I always make it difficult?

How will I look back on this?

When will I look back on this?

Everything Is Foggy Again

Nothing feels clear and I can’t even see one step ahead of me. 

Trying so hard not to get within my shell again and implode. 

Resisting the urge to sabotage myself. 

I have an opportunity to make things okay but I can’t stop the negative thoughts. 

I just want to avoid everyone including the person I’m not supposed to. 

I’m so embarrassed and full of shame and anxiety and I don’t know who to turn to. 

Have to put on a happy face, at least for my boy. 

Gotta get this right

Everything Surfaces

Eventually.

Always run the risk of presenting yourself wrong when people are privy to your innermost thoughts.

I need to get away from my thoughts

Must Get Up And Get Moving

I have to. At least for my son. 

I love you Chipmunk. I don't know a lot of things but I do know that

Why Would The Third Time Be Different?

Why would I think she can trust me again?

I broke her trust, her heart, her spirit. I cannot do that again, ever. But how can I be sure I won't?

I hate this

Moving Forward

How? I feel incapacitated. 

This feels worse than the past. 

Maybe I just can't take the pain anymore. 

I want to let go (of the pain) but maybe I shouldn't 

List Of Regrets

-not telling her my feelings before, including the things that scared me

-not respecting her

-not respecting myself

-thinking I could do better before

-focusing on stupid negative reasons

-listening and letting others influence me when I should've spoke and trusted myself

Am I Scared?

Terrified. I can't even put into words what it is I'm so terrified about. 

What if I DO end up breaking her heart again? What if I was wrong in all of this?

What can I do to make my mind more at ease? I don't think anything. I think time. 

Hearts are constantly changed and scars never heal. 

She shut her heart to me, rightfully so, and I saw it in her eyes today. 

I am trying so hard not to put up walls. Stay in the vulnerability of such an exposed heart and feelings. 

I have to shut out what I think other people will think and concentrate on my own thoughts. 

I have to face harsh truths

Can't Erase The Past

Especially if it's not my own past. 

How am I ever going to mature if I can't stop fixating on something I can't control? Is it me sabotaging again? Defense mechanism?

What the fuck?

The thought comes and goes. I just want it to go

Numb

A lot of regrets. 

Must pick up and go forward. Don't need to know where you're going as long as you're going forward. 

Had her in my arms all night and still searching for answers. 

Do I turn to God again? Really?

How do I stop from being a...suck?

Could It Ever Have Been Different In The Past?

Did I really have to do what I did?

Did I really, really need that time alone?

Did I really have to let love go (twice) hoping it would come back?

All signs point to yes. I can't be that stupid back then. Am I stupid right now? Yes maybe but no

My Heart Is In Shambles Too

I can't stand to face some truths. 

I need to process everything and be able to not be incapacitated. 

I need to believe in something again. 

I can't even begin to pretend I know what love is. 

Am I trying to go back?  Or am I just trying to go forward without success?

I Just Want To Be With You

And love you and hold you and be happy with you. But how?

Betrayed by my own thoughts. 

When you can't ever do anything but screw up. 

My heart is not in it. Where is my heart anyway? Do I even have one?

I Cant Ever Get Back What I Lost

I can't even fucking cry. I feel like a robot. 

How can I offer her anything?

How can I offer myself anything?

I have to fight myself. I can't do this. I can. I don't want to. I do.

When does it get better? Haven't I been through this before?

I wish I could stop wishing. 

This is the pain you deserve you stupid motherfucker. 

Fuck. 

Stop pushing her away

How To Process

How to deal. 

I fucked up. 

And now I can't get mental images out of my head. 

I do not deserve her. 

What am I doing. 

Why am I incapacitated. 

Why

Rage Out Much?

Can't get those thoughts out if your mind?

Yeah, don't forget, you deserve that.

I really hope I don't spiral out. I don't think I will but I've been feeling pretty incapacitated lately. Argh

When You Regret

Can't lead to any good, right?

Worse is when you picture other things in your mind and it's nobody but your own damn fault.

I hope I could learn a lesson through all this. 

I hope I can forget. And really forgive myself

So Now You Really Said What You Said

I hope it was worth it. 

Selfishly (wtf am I putting her through again), it does lift a weight off my chest a bit. 

Maybe I should've kept that shit inside.  Meh

*  *  *

Excuse all the melodrama lately on this blog...its just helping me clear my mind a bit

The Day After....

...always the day after. 

I feel like an asshole and I don't deserve someone like her. There's nothing I can do but sit here and take it and contemplate the future (again). 

Also, can I say that being on online dating websites really does a number on your ego when you're really, really not successful at it? Lol. 

Maybe I have to accept the fact that I'm just different and not really how I picture myself to be (obviously). What do I do next?

When It Feels Right

But also confusing. Whole glut of emotions.

Wasn't I supposed to leave her alone?

Do I know what can of worms I've opened again?

It's okay...supposed to love like it's your last day, no matter how embarrassed you get or feel.

Whatever happens, I've got to stop being afraid of myself and making up these excuses

Lying Around Doing Nothing

Literally. 

Is it good for mental health? I mean...sure?

Now One Too Many?

Really, now?

*  *  *

Fun times in Chicago with the fam and Eamon is enjoying himself. If only he could shake off his cough!

Slipping Right Back Into The Conversation

Well that didn't take long. We're right back to our conversations as if nothing has changed. Yikes

*  *  *

Off to the Windy City with the boy and brothers!

Haven't You Done Enough To Her?!?

So that was the prevailing thought I had today. 

Seriously now, after all I've put her through (twice), why in the hell would I think she could ever trust me again?

And why exactly do I think I can actually maintain a relationship with...anyone? I'm not exactly the most easiest person to live with.  Not that I want to get back with her. I think. Fuck I don't know anything. 

I recall seeing a meme somewhere on Facebook a few weeks ago stating (paraphrasing here): "If you see a shining woman, stand back and leave her alone and just appreciate her."  Clearly this is what I should most reasonably do.  Gawd why can't I just be reasonable?

I wouldn't ever blame her if she ever decided not to talk to me again. I think I have to keep this in mind EVERY SINGLE MOMENT and just start to get over it and truly let go. 

Blah. 

Again. 

*  *  *

On a more random and amusing note, I had a good convo with my BUFF this morning and for some reason she started talking about psychedelic drug usage and her desire to maybe wanting to try it. It was so random that it makes me appreciate her even more. I hope this has nothing to do with Our place of employment screwing her over yet again (and again and again times 7), but I don't think it does

Is It Any Better?

From the jitters and anxiety I have, maybe not as much. But I have to power through, especially after giving a speech to Tools with what's going through her life.

Serenity now

Let's Revisit The Overdramatic Past Few Days

A bit better of a headspace now, thankfully. Funny how that works. 

Had a chat, still don't know what the future holds between us two, but it's nice to at least talk a few things out. And hug it out at least. 

Happy bday chipmunk; you'll end up most likely meaning more to me than you'll ever know (and I'll ever admit for whatever reason)

When It Hits Hard

It hits hard.

Gotta get my head out of this cloud.

Let's Try To Organize These Thoughts Again, Shall We

Funny how I'm not above it...that stereotype that males only realize what they lose well after its gone. Even worse is how hard it's hitting me. 

I mean, I've been here before, haven't I? Well...yes. But different. As always. 

It's interesting what gets revealed to yourself, or at least the truths you face when you're all frazzled. For example, I was thinking while I was out dancing that something so rare, something I thought I really wanted (and still do) occurs but of course I push it away. The outright love and acceptance from a woman for whom I am and how I conduct my life...and I pushed it away. 

It's rare!  I don't have a lot of people knocking on my door! (Cue sob story of "I can't find anyone who understands me!")

Am I really back to those feelings of not wanting to be alone? What's wrong with being alone anyway? Jeez...I was at a place in my life where I was okay (at least I think I thought I was okay. Or rather, at a different point in my life.). And now I'm fretting about how long it's going to take me to reset again to get back to that point. Or is it myself fighting the fact that I don't want to be back at that point?

What happened to the whole noble thoughts of letting go and living and remembering fond memories and life's lessons and reasons that people come in and out of your life? Is it all bullshit?

Maybe...I'm just back to a point where I don't love myself enough. I feel too much guilt about hurting someone that gave so much of themselves to me and I deem it as something I don't want. And now that door is shut forever. But it's what you decided!

Is there something wrong with me? (Yes, but that's okay. It's life.)

It almost makes me just want to quit it all (the whole finding a relationship thing, not life.). But maybe that's what I need to do! Stop dreaming and hoping and start living differently. 

Surely when I wake up my thoughts and feelings will be different yet again. 

Maybe it is too difficult seeing my (not yours anymore, get real) chipmunk

And Yet Again...

...I should never be left alone with my own thoughts. Smh. 

This whole adhd thing I self-diagnosed myself as an adult can't be good for anyone. Especially me!

10 Years Ago...

...a lifetime ago. Is it silly to still mourn something that happened so long ago? I don't think so. I would like to think its not regret, but rather just memories and experiences that helped me be who I am today. 

Do I like who I am today though?

Most days. I've been consciously trying to like myself more, despite my doubts, insecurities and sadness.

I try to look forward to the future but some days I'm stuck in the past. 

It's not only the failed marriage...I mean, I'd like to think we're in a good place, but alas nothing stays forever. 

Case in point? My inability to fully get over the latest major thing in my life. 

Funny, I asked her, so cocky and confidently a few weeks ago if things were going to be awkward between us. Today, I was the awkward one. Gawd damn, how old am I? But does that matter? I feel what I feel and I act how I act. 

I stay hopeful that one day the answers will be clearer (not totally clear; can't be naive about that).  In the meantime, I better do something with myself to stay busy.

Rambling idiot. But I forgive myself. Right?

I'm thankful for the anchors in my life

Took Me A Few Days...

...then I realized it. I miss her and her friendship. 

It's hard rationalizing things sometimes, but I don't think I am here per se. I mean, I don't see a romantic future but I miss the company and the laughs and...her presence. Her friendship. 

I've always said "well if you cross that boundary and are scared the friendship might go away, maybe the friendship wasn't that strong to begin with. Plus you can always find new friends."  Well that's...rather callous but life goes on blah blah rationalize. 

I'm trying hard to just look at the memories I had with the chipmunk with fondness and to let go, which I am starting to (been here before, but that doesn't mean it gets easier). Cold turkey isn't always palatable; frozen turkey you're bound to break a tooth or two.

But I do miss her. 

Meh.

Time to focus on other things again

Gut Check Time

Remember the decisions you make are the ones that are supposed to be good for your life...don't lose the confidence and don't lose hope!

Speaking of gut checks, I really should check mine...gotta get into a better lifestyle 

RIP Linds

Way too young, or I'm getting older. 

Reminder to live life the way you want to/able to though

My (Grade One) Baby

Dear Gawd, already?!?

You Still Here?

I am, but not much these days. One day I might get back to blogging...today isn't that day. 

Going to NYC in 4 days!

Cinqo De Ohoh I Have A Race

Oh right.  Got that annual Mississauga 10K thing I do tomorrow.  First time I'll have run 10K all year!

/dead

Gracious. (Gracious?)

Have way through dinner, my boy stops, facepalms himself and says "Gracious I forgot to make a card for you". 

Wtf? I know I've been binging on Downton Abbey and all but this might be a bit ridonk. Made me laugh plenty though

Happy Day Before Ballentynes

Officially past the hype of this day. Then again maybe if I were in a relationship...(haa)

*  *  *

Eamon played so well as a goalie in hockey. I got the pride!

Reso-'17

1.  Don't be late. Oop...with the list I am so...

2.  Forget it I already broke #1

Anywho, I shall continue my quest to be more comfortable in my own skin...although really that shouldn't be just a new year's resolution.  To the future!

(Speaking of which...getting back to the past a but are we? There's a first for everything I suppose!)

Up The Wall

So tiling penny tiles in my latest home reno is going exactly how I thought it would be going: slow and tedious. But I think I'm still enjoying it. I think. It's a Christmas Miracle! Or something like that. 

As always, can't wait for it to be done so I can break my house again and start a new project. Basement, is that you calling? Or, you know, maybe hire someone (said the guy who is waiting to win the lottery) 

So How Was That Boat Ride?

Oh, you know...a little barfy.

So no to cruises again? Prolly not. But I still had fun!

*  *  *

I kind of miss having that optimism of thinking there is someone out there.  Realism sucks sometimes, but I have to accept, no? Ah well. Maybe next lifetime 

Weighing Risks

Seems about to be 200lbs or so?  Well whatever the case, I'm starting to get tentative. For example, I find myself asking myself if I should be playing bball with the risk of injury before my vacation. Why, just last night I played full court for the first time in months and lo and behold, I strained the ankle.

Also, I haven't ran in two weeks. I fear I'm getting slothy again. 

Also, after about a month or more of not watching prok...I just broke that cycle. But, luckily it's not the same!

Also, I need to stop thinking again. I was doing much better before. 

Also, I refinanced my mortgage. So adult. 

Also, I'm planning my renoes again. Also, when exactly will I have the time/energy for that again?

Also, holy barf of thoughts typing with one finger

With The Sicks

Frickin hell second time being sick in three weeks. What in the actual?

"Can You Chew Gum On The Boat?"

First Question posed to me from my son upon me telling him I'm going on a cruise.

I live for the randomness

Dabbit

So my boy came home from camp "dabbing". Gawd damn I could never get into that crap and it actually made me want to jab the person who taught him that

"Is That Santa Claus Daddy?"

https://youtu.be/7scbdxigicg

That's my boy, cracking me up as always 

Oof. Stomach Punch?

Perhaps.

How did I find myself here again?  Lots to contemplate, lots to learn. Especially in life 😳

Grown Ass Men Shouldn't Be Drinking Blue Drinks, Right?

Screw it though, I enjoy it.  Especially when it's only $1 at Harvey's.

Cheap guy score!

Hold The Door Hodor

So six years later the reveal is there. So sad, GoT

Why Yes, Buh...

...it appears that I still do keep (very sparingly) this blog active.  Just saw when I first started and whoa, 12 years later, it's still here.

I find that I get tentative looking back on my posts.  It's a reflection and a recording of how much my life has changed in a dozen years.

Am I at where I want to be in life at this point?  Honestly, the answer to that is "where did I even think I was going to be?"  I know now not to have these idealized visions of happiness or success or of life itself...I just have to go through thoughts/feelings/actions every day hoping for the best.  And usually? It turns out pretty good!  There will always, always be ups and downs.  I just gotta ride the wave and try to have fun while it happens.

With that said...what's next?  Also, what's with the anxiety?

Acura Rims On A Honda?

Is this what it's become?

Hell yeah!

Hoping to get it today...

"Don't Ever Feel Guilty"

Another Tremendous conversation as said by Dip. Right. Because it's that easy

Closer To 40 Than 30

Whoa

Being Sick Ain't Sick

In that slang way. Bleh. 

Lowest Point

This is the lowest point I've ever felt like as a parent. I hate myself right now. I just hope that this is the start of me rectifying my behavior and actions. I feel sick

Where Did That Chipmunk Come From?

Cray

The List For 2016

1. Do that thing

2. Finish this thing

3. Start those things

4. Repeat #2 a few times

That just about wraps that up.

Keep looking forward and figure it out as you go along and don't forget to smile 😁

"Don't Become Your Emotions"

Obviously easier to say than do for someone like me. Picked that quote up while doing the learning modules for being a "hockey coach". Inaccurate descriptor there aside, it was an okay course I guess.

Now then, back to figuring things out yet again

Crossing Lines?

What if it's just a dot...that's not bad, right?

(Ooooo crypticism again)

*  *  *

Near the end of the year already. Crazy. Life is becoming a blur. I hope I remember things in the future. Like, for example, my son barfing in my bed this past Saturday. The smell!

So this is what is meant by parenting

Pigs?

So it was kindergarten observation day, where the parents come in for an hour and observe a regular day of kindergarten. It was fun watching my pride and joy in his learning environment.

There was one piece of artwork on the wall where the student took a picture of their favourite body part and they had to explain why it was their favourite. My son? "My favourite body part is my nose. I like it so I can smell pigs."  Wtf? Gawd I love him

"That's Better That's Better That's Better"

...things my ever amusing son said while peeing after apparently really needing to.

He makes me so happy

HeeBeeJeeBees...Or Rather HeeWaspJeeWasps

Okay so there is the biggest wasps nest I've ever seen in between my soffit and roof in the garage. Normally I do everything by myself to remediate a problem, but yeah...thanks to My Girl I'm freaked out. Gonna have to figure this out...in other words, $$$. Blah

Let There Be Light

All it takes is for my electrical wiring to work (lights, fan, check!) and I forget about how tired/unmotivated I get while in the midst of doing a long and tedious reno project. I think.

Anyway, it's getting there...eventually

Cedar On My Mind

Been thinking about refinishing my porch ceiling in cedar. Did I mention I still haven't finished my bathroom reno?

But of course  

Basketball Uppercut

Ugh. These are the times I wonder if I should just quit basketball because I'm too delicate. Most likely not. But the elbow to my jaw when playing today made me feel like my jaw was busted. This is how I know I'll always hate violence and wonder how the hell people punch each other in the face.

Which reminds me, I gotta buy more Advil 

Another Thing He Doesn't Need Me For?

So he woke up, peed and brushed his teeth by himself.

This boy is growing up

"Where's Haha And Toto?"

My son and his monkeys and his imagination. Makes me laugh so much. 

He has four monkeys: Titi, Haha, Toto and Toto.  There are small nuances amongst them that he can discern (freaky) and he's convinced they're real.  In fact, he's convinced his Mom and me that they are, because if one of them (especially Titi, his BFF...or is that BMF?) goes missing, well then all hell breaks loose because he cries uncontrollably and can't sleep.

Anyway, he's in Ottawa this week and I asked him on the phone where Haha and Toto were (other Toto has been "going with me to work" this week).  He responded that they are at home at his Mom's house. I asked him why didn't he take them with him to Ottawa...his response?

"Because they're oncall."

Haa.

*  *  *

Been a week now since I did that call where a guy committed suicide on his balcony (I was actually standing on the spot where his body was). I guess it affected me more than I thought.  I feel bad for the landlord who found him, because if I found him I'm pretty sure it would highlight how not as strong mentally I purport to be.

Gotta keep living!

Still I Dream

http://youtu.be/9H9nROUwXoA

Hope I'm not fooling myself. It's out there, I just need timing on my side.

Can't ever lose the faith, I gotta keep smiling 

Ray Donovan

Good show!  Found this song from there: http://youtu.be/jMR6E7QKuQU

Speak In Front Of 215 People?

No problem! Right?

Yikes I haven't done this for a while.  Should be interesting

49:59.8!!!

Sweet!!! Quite happy I broke 50 mins (and with minimal training as well) in this, my 11th year in a row doing the Mississauga Marathon 10k race.  I honestly never thought I would break 50 minutes again in my life, but sometimes I get lucky.

So I guess this will be my blueprint for next year, based on what I did his year:

-only run a maximum of 5km at a time after running 10km from the Oakville Race

-run only, like, 8 times since the last 10km race

-drink vitamix smoothies on the Thursday, and eat fish and chips on the same Thursday

-go salsa dancing on Friday evening, and eat shawarma on rice and bits and bites late night on the same Friday

-take child skating on Saturday morning. Eat chicken pot pie for lunch, take a nap with a child that doesn't want to sleep.  Watch some videos on iPad while cleaning when woken up, drink a protein shake, eat a powerbar. Get to GO station 30 minutes before race. Run to start line to make sure I can check my bag (with three minutes to spare!). Drink powergel with plenty of caffeine in it. Wear new shoes I never wore before (thanks Bioped!). 

-run like crazy to ensure the coworkers you invited to the race running for the first time don't beat you, ignore the pain, make sure you give high fives to everyone watching even if they aren't offering you a high five, take a second or two to stop and drink water along the race, scream a couple of times to hype yourself up, spit when you inadvertently have a bug fly in your mouth, apologize to the people behind you

-run as fast as you possibly can near the end, take a moment to tickle Micky Sipin while you beat him by ten steps (!)

-gorge on wings afterwards. Of course. 

Good times! Definitely got he runners high right now 😁

Four...Four?!?

Stop growing son! I miss you as a baby so much.

He's so smart and awesome...don't think I ever deserved anything in my life as great as him, but I'll keep him (forever)

That's Some Expensive Tastes There

I'm currently munching on this carby goodness known as Ace Bakery Aged Cheddar crisps. This stuff be so good but so expensive! I only bought it because it was on sale...purchased much like the rest of my forays to the grocery store when fancy things be on sale. 

*  *  *

Losing an hour of sleep tonight...not that it matters much. I seem to be lacking in that department. I've been doing a crazy amount of salsa lately but not the other things. Gotta get back on it

Latest Hobby/Way To Work Myself Into Annoyance:

Read the comments/posts on anti-vaxxer articles.

Seriously, why do I do it? Lol

*  *  *

Finally getting over his sickness I had the past week. First time in years I've taken more than one sick day in a row.

Maybe it's the vaccine? Lol

I feel bad for my boy but it's been a nice few days with him (albeit us being a bit miserable at times. Well, me way more than my jolly son)

CoughShush

I hate being sick. Absolutely hate it. I've been nursing a head cold the past few days and I've been a bit miserable (especially considering I'm going out with the workmates on Friday). 

Anyway my boy is with me tonight and I'm in bed. Everytime I cough, I hear a shush from the other room. It's making me laugh. I love this age he is at...I sometimes wish he never grows up

Because This Happens

I enjoy playing bball with the guys on Sunday nights, but there is a drawback...

...I can't fall asleep until late.  Doesn't help I ate Noodle Wok at 1030.  Idiot.

Gonna officially start my four month contract with IPAC tomorrow.  Should be interesting, if not fun. Lots to learn! Too bad I'll be quite tired tomorrow. Meh. 

*  *  *

Basement Reno on the near horizon? Yikes

The List For 2015

Let's see...

1.  Spend more time listening to my boy and being more patient

2.  Be a better salsa dancer and learn bachata (haa)

3.  Focus more and finish renos started

4.  Bring lunches way more

5.  Find happiness (okay, now I'm getting ridiculous)

6.  Start weight training more

7.  Start running more

8.  Stop wanting more (not really...lol...that would just negate this entire list)

*  *  *

Reflecting on my life as I officially enter my mid-30's...wtf? How did I get here?  Lol. Gotta live more but not put too much pressure on myself to do so. I am living and I have to ignore my age sometimes

"Don't Work So Much Daddy"

Well that is one way to make you feel like a bad father. I'm day 5 of this 7 day oncall shift, so Eamon hasn't been sleeping at my place and it would appear he wants nothing more than to. I feel bad having to tell him "when you get older, son, you'll see that sometimes you have to work hard so you make money so you can pay for things". But damn if this isn't going to be one of those moments I regret not spending more time with my rapidly growing baby.

...Or I just have to suck it up because I only have two more days to go. But whateves, this sh*t really pulls at my heart strings

Christmas Time. Christmas Time?!?

Wowza. As always, that came fast. 

Gotta start living a better life!

And He's Going To "The Happiest Place On Earth"

Debatable, that title.

Anywho, my boy is going with his mom and his grandparents to Florida for a week. What am I going to do? Feeling like I'm already missing him. Luckily I'm oncall for the majority of the week to keep me occupied (hopefully not that occupied). I also have all these projects I'm yet to finish...errrr...

Still Clicking!

Great past week...did the half marathon in 2:10 and survived despite having some cramping knees and arm (?).  Did a 5k run this morning with the workmates and the boy where we dressed up as superheroes.  Immense feeling of pride as the progeny won for best costume and he posed and hammer it up for the crowd and cameras, and my team also won for best costumes. And to cap it off, I ran 24:59, the best 5k race I ever did (and pushing Eamon's stroller to boot). Things are good!

When Things Click

It was a great past couple of days...quality time with the love of my life (my boy), my bowling tournament seemed to have gone well, and I'm getting the hang of this salsa thing.  I took the MiWay and TTC today to pick up my race kit, enjoyed traversing Toronto like a newcomer, and all this despite getting rear ended a few days ago (cars get fixed, luckily no one was hurt).

Now all I have to do is survive this half marathon on Sunday...lol.

But...things are good! I've come a long way, but still have a longer way to go...

I Still Blog...Sort Of

Pedorthist Jools asked me randomly if I still blog.  I mean, I do, sort of. But ever since life has changed for me (marriage ending), the desire hasn't really been there.

I've always been one for history and sentimentality (I've been doing this for more than ten years now?), but I guess I've just become a more...different person. I won't say jaded (life is good, I really can't complain).  Maybe just a bit more...private? Introspective? Maybe I'm looking to change the person I am, which includes letting go of much of the past?

I dunno.  I doubt anyone even reads this anymore, including myself at times.

But the original intent is still there: to see what I was up to at a point in time in my life; a place to hone my (erratic) writing skills; somewhere to develop my humour/thoughts by writing it out; a place to be dramatic and cryptic; and a place to allow some people into my life that I wouldn't actually share otherwise. I hope it evolves to something better for me

Well That Was A Great Three Years

Tomorrow I wrap up my three year commitment at the WNV program. A lot happened in the three years both professionally and personally, and I am actually quite grateful for the time I had there.

I won't miss the traffic driving back home, but I sure as heck will miss everything else. But of course, all good things...

What Made Me Oddly Happy Today

Playing ball with the weekly crew, I made a full speed, running layup. With my left hand.

Booyakashaa!

Oh Crap My Passport!

Went to a resort in the US and realized I got got my passport. How the hell am I going to get home?

And then I woke up

Time To Break Back

I seriously gotta get crackin'. Gotta find the time and effort to do this project cause the summer is running out.

And Wowza where did I get the idea I am able to afford this project? Lol

Ah well...money comes, money goes

Guardians Of The Freakin Galaxy

Watched the movie today with Michael (he's turning 12 next month? The f?). One of the best movies I've seen in a while. Only sucks that the sequel is in three years. Yargh

http://youtu.be/iPKXTwQPJHQ

In Which I Realize Dancing Is Tough

Went to a salsa practice for the first time last night. Holy crap! I have to practice a damn lot. Yargh

That Time I Almost Died Rafting

But it was so worth it! Great times, and I hope to do it again next year, but in the faster, more dangerous boat!

Also good times for a quick visit to Ottawa and Montreal with Clavo, Kelvin and Walter.  My poor tummy though...

Food Poisoning?

Gawd dang aren't I a health inspector? What happened there? Lol. 

(Oh right, Kim fook yuen and standard sweets Indian buffet happened.)

Hope I get better for my one planned vacation this year to the Ottawa River and rafting and Montreal. Also I'm oncall...really hope I don't get called tonight. 

#doh

Happy Canada Day 2014!

Always one of my favourite days of the year. I'm always feeling grateful and lucky to live here. It's easy for me to complain whenever something minor doesn't go my way, but I always try to never lose sight of he fact that this is home for me.

With that said, hooray for double-time overtime work! Sweltering in the sun and humidity working at Brampton's Canada Day celebration (along with mosquito trap pickup in the morning), and kind of tired from last nights excursion with thekambals and Pete and Ron, but the extra money I'm making makes it all worth it.

Also, having not seen my son since last Friday (Sharon took him to Ottawa to see Debbie), I'm quite excited to see my little terror tomorrow...just gotta finish these chores here somehow

Been A While

Anything different?

Not that much.

Fathers Day tomorrow. Might be a bit rough, but generally it will be good as long as I got my love, my babybabybaby