Sunday, June 17, 2012

I Have To Say It Yet Again

I've said it here dozens if not hundreds of times before, in hopes of motivating/shaming myself into taking better care of my health:  I've got to stop eating like crap and exercising more.  What I see in the mirror I don't like.

Unfortunately, I think I've been mildly depressed lately and I've totally been emotional-eating.  I know, wtf?  What would I have to be sad about?  Isn't my life, on paper, as good as it can get?

I have a very, very good life.  I'm very fortunate.  I never lose sight of that.  But sometimes I have these creeping feelings of overwhelming sadness that I just can't shake.  And when I do shake it off, it takes a while.  As I get older, it takes even longer to shake it off.

And there might not even be something specific that I'm sad about or anything specific that sets it off.  I might have a thought in my mind that would lead to happiness, but who is to say that would actually lead to it?  There is a lot of doubt in my mind.  All part of the insecurity trap that keeps snatching me.

I just gotta focus and take it day-to-day.  I started this blog years ago because it was supposed to be a marker of sorts; a recollection of what I did that specific day or how I felt.  I would like to say that this whole process has been cathartic of sorts; it helps regulate me because if I put it down on paper (on screen and accessible to the world, really), I can keep track of my emotions, thoughts and feelings.

Open your eyes and see, Jason

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Received a very thoughtful card from Eamon (and his Mommy) today as I celebrate my second Father's Day.  Made me happy

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Accomplishment:  put up four picture frames

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