So I did that thing that all the articles say to do when it comes to cell phone companies: just keep asking for a better deal. And dangit, looks like it actually worked!
I'm saying good bye to my BlackBerry (am actually really going to miss it. It was good while it lasted, but eventually it just didn't keep up. I could hardly even browse the internet with the thing!). I'm now saying hello to Android. Hope it's not a decision I'm gonna regret