...landed right in Jeff's Achilles' Tendon. Looks like Jeff is gonna be on crutches for the next two months or so because he had an accident while playing volleyball. Crazy yo. Hope I never get an injury like that; I mean, I do have a 10K run to attend to in a couple of months. Speaking of which, I prolly really should start training seriously. Just waiting for that haircut from Arvin tomorrow. Yep, rationality hits again.
Went to Best Buy and was drooling over a Bose home entertainment system and a Sony Computer with an LCD/TV/Computer all built in one. I would love to get one of those babies when I move into my house.
* * *
What's in a name? Apparently to some, like yours truly, it means a lot. I never realized this until Sharon and I had a discussion about when we got married, if she would take my last name. You see, I was always under the impression that she was going to legally change it to "Lobo-Marquez." At first, I was opposed to that because I always wanted her to take the last name "Marquez" when we got married. I started warming up to the idea of her hyphenating her name, but then she dropped the bombshell on me today while at Bubble Tea (with Anne, Nina and Arvin) that she is not going to change her name legally at all and just keep it at "Lobo."
She told me that she would assume the last name "Lobo-Marquez" during her daily course of life (like office documents, credit cards, etc.), but she would not legally change her name. She also added in that our children would have the last name "Marquez." I asked her if she would legally change her last name to "Lobo-Marquez" and assume the last name "Lobo" during her daily course of life, as long as she legally changed her last name. She refuted.
So where does this leave me? A bit confused and speechless. The thing is, I don't even know why I'm so hurt by this. Sharon thinks I'm mad about this; I'm not. I'm saddened.
I start to think about why this is so important to me. Tradition. Security. Just because it's the way it's supposed to be (in my head).
Her arguments: she is very attached to her last name. She is the last of the line of Lobos, as her Dad has no sons to pass on the family name and she has no male cousin's on her father's side. I understand, I really do.
As you can see, I feel like I'm genuinely conflicted. I would do anything for this girl (except move to Australia), and now it seems I added accepting the fact that she will not change her last name.
Maybe it's because I feel offended that if she doesn't change her last name, she does not want to be part of my family. Is she ashamed? Does she not want to be part of my family? Is it because it's just too inconvenient for her to change all her documentation? (She answered "no" to all the those questions, by the way)
Then why do I feel so sad by the whole thing? Why do I feel so insecure? I want her to know that I don't think that changing her last name means taking her away from her family or that she would lose her identity as a "Lobo." This is just something that I really want, and if I were to not ask her for anything else, this would be it. (Perhaps she knows now because she now has access to my blog). There are a lot of things I find trivial in the course of life, or can compromise on, but this one hurts right in the centre of my heart.
So here I sit, thinking: are you going to let something like this ruin the best thing that happened in your life? It's just a name, it's not like she's leaving you or she's doing this to offend you, you self-centred, egotistical prick. Would you rather her lose this thing she finds really important to her, or would you rather her lose you? Why is this so important to you? What is important to you? Why are you being so selfish?
Off to bed I go, worried and confused, knowing things are not right before I sleep. We always agreed not to go to bed mad or angry at each other; but like a lot of things, things change. Sigh.
I love you with all my heart Sharon, no matter what your last name is.
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